Helpful facts about me.

1.I like to go to the bathroom in groups.

2. I try to think of airports as a vacation.  I get to watch lots of people, eat Ben and Jerrie’s, drink Starbucks, read, and surf on the airport trains. (This is where you don’t hold on to anything and see if when the train comes to a very brisk stop… you can keep yourself upright and not land on the man standing behind you, who is already a little annoyed because of how giddy you are to be in the airport train.) BUT I don’t like airplanes.

3. I like attention when I am asking for it, I hate it when other people draw attention to me.

4. I am really afraid of very very steep hills. Not walking… driving up them. I freak out and feel like the car may flip over backwards.

5. My dad is the funniest man I know. He is also the most adventurous.

6. Bacon and cheese sandwiches and chocolate milk  make my heart happy.

7. Braveheart makes me want to fight, Beauty and the beast makes me want to sing, and Casablanca makes me want to fall in love.

8. When I step off the plane in any country, no matter where,  the first thing I think is…. “Today is the first day of the rest of my life.” Never fails.

9. I love Brooke Fraser

10. My mom is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.

11. Just because I can have an 11 because why do have always have to stop at 10…. I have known since a young girl that I would follow God over the mountains and the sea.

I’ve been wondering how I would feel about this whole thing when it got here. I’ve felt so many emotions up until now. Why is it that now I feel nothing. Almost paralyzed. Maybe shock of the fact it’s actually here. The thought of traveling for 3 days alone doesn’t make me jump with excitement.

I went out with family last night, and realized I was almost having to force myself to talk. I was being a bit rude. My friend Matt even pointed out that I was acting a bit strange. I was walled up and closed off… I apologized and tried to work through my feelings.  I realized that the sweetest thing about me was my pink shoes. I was sorry.

There are the basic facts we all know about ourselves, it’s pretty unchanging. But the unknown will make you do and act in ways that you would never expect. I wouldn’t say I’m scared really, or horribly nervous, because I feel really confident about the whole thing. I know God has purpose. But it’s almost like, if I let a little emotion through, I may fall to pieces. If I don’t start being really tough now, then when it comes time for me to toughen up I might not be able to. I realized that is why I was quiet and closed. This is me being tough. I don’t speak too much or think to much because I refuse to let fear in. But in order to keep fear out, we often shut love out as well.

God spoke to me the other night after a very brief run through the woods. It was late and a bit scary. lol so it didn’t take long for me to give up and run back. I sat on the porch with my bible and tried to soak in the woods. The wind was blowing so hard that it scared me, but I didn’t go in, because it was more of an intriguing kind of scary… I opened my bible and began to look for a scripture that would be an encouragement. All week I had been reciting to myself the scripture from Psalms, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” But it was mainly because I saw many of my students had posted it. It’s a good scripture, but I don’t think I really listened to what it had to say. I had heard that scripture so many times that I didn’t take the time to actually READ it. I mean with my heart… So I was flipping through my bible and landed on one of the earlier Psalms. Then I noticed a sound that was different. I stared into the darkness expecting to see someone… but nothing. The wind was howling at me and I couldn’t seem to move. Just stared into the woods… my thoughts had run off. When It died down a little I went back to reading, but when I looked down I realized the pages had been moved. They had turned to Psalms 119:105…

105 Your word is a lamp for my feet,
a light on my path.
106 I have taken an oath and confirmed it,
that I will follow your righteous laws.

111 Your statutes are my heritage forever;
they are the joy of my heart.
112 My heart is set on keeping your decrees
to the very end.

God spoke a strong word to me that night as the wind shook the trees. I do not have to understand, I don’t have to be afraid of the unknown, and I don’t have to toughen up to follow. He will give me just what I need for that moment, for that footstep. I can see what is in front of me today. Loving family… and an opportunity. Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Maybe it was just the wind, or maybe someone was telling me to look again… Look again, probably also a good word to remember.

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