No longer writing from my cute riverside cafe in beautiful Da Nang. But i’ve got my feet propped up here in Bangkok pushing for a speedy recovery, with my sweet pop laying on the bench beside me trying to sleep off the jet lag.

Today I was able to do some physical therapy, which hurt haha but was good Becauseee I was able to go to the bathroom by myself. Yay! I must say, this experience is the most humbling of them all. Up until today, I haven’t been able to even roll over by myself. When you are broken you must ask for help. Which I have done from all my friends and family. But it’s not only my leg that is broken, but my heart has been really punished through this. Most of the tears i’ve cried recently aren’t because i’m hurting from physical pain, but because i’m so upset at the thought of leaving Vietnam. I’m not ready to go, and a voice tells me that I failed. I didn’t do or help anything. I wasn’t tough enough to survive for 3 months… I know that those are lies, but it so hard not to think them as I lay here… Especially this morning, as it is Sunday. Today I was going to sing at DIF, which i’ve been so excited about. And now even my singing voice is… not sounding so great.

But would I change anything? We ask these things after some tragic thing happens… often wondering if we interfered in time, if our lives would have been better. If we were the ones telling the story… how would it go?

A friend of mine sent me a book i’ve been reading, and the lady brings up this question. She sent me back to Hezekiah who was a great king of the Old Testament. In the Scripture, Hezekiah asked the Lord to give him 15 more years of life so that he can accomplish everything he needs too. So God grants him this. And he did do some good. BUT, during that extra 15 years he had a son Manasseh, who did more evil almost than any king of the time. Now, Hezekiah was able to rewrite his story a little, add on a few years. But how did that change the world? We think we know best, but often we don’t see the bigger picture, and we dont know what is down the road. I like to think sometimes that I know what’s best… but do I? I’m not saying that I would like to go through this again ever… or that if I had known that I would not have done something to stop it, but I feel that God knows just what it is that I need. He knew how this would changes my plans, and will affect relationships. But he has a plan and purpose for me like he does each one of you. I can tell my story as I know it, but God has seen it cover to cover and knows it well. He wants good for me. I know some of you are thinking “well did God want you to get hit by that car?” lol No… why would any good father want to see his child in pain like that? It was Emy and I’s decision to get on that bike and ride out to the beach that day… but we made the choice to go and that is what happened. But I do know he will take this, and my brokeness in body and spirit and do something better than I can even imagine. Which is Pink Rocks and Apple Pie… is it not?

The next few weeks will be hard, and will be heartbreaking… they are now. But in my worst pain I cannot deny how God is moving and how he will move. I’m in a state of grace. This is my story.

This is what i’m singing… 4:46 pm.

“Love Song For A Savior”

In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she’ll understand the meaning of it all
He’s more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she’ll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He’ll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she’ll pray,

“I want to fall in love with You”

Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can’t feel the chains on their souls

He’s more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we’ll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He’ll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we’ll pray,

“I want to fall in love with You”

It seems too easy to call you “Savior”,
Not close enough to call you “God”
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion

“I want to fall in love with You”

“my heart beats for You”

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